Welcome to my little nook in the blogosphere. Between Facebook, Twitter, MyBlogLog, and more than a dozen blogs, I've written too many 'About Me's and described myself in so many different ways that it's hard to figure out what are the most important traits that sum up who I am.

But perhaps the first thing you should know about me is that I change my mind about what kind of blog this is supposed to be every few days, weeks, or months, depending on my mood. I change my mind about everything, all the time.

But as Victor Hugo said, "Change your opinions, keep to your principles; change your leaves, keep intact your roots."

I've pretty much given up trying to categorize what kind of person I am or what kind of blog this is. On the outside I change my mind about what I like or what's my style on a weekly or even daily basis. But what I believe in, and who I am inside, has never changed. Whatever it is, this blog is a work in progress, much as its author is as well. :)

Why 'Burn Out Bright'?

For most of my growing up life, I lived for the future - for fairytale dreams of happily-ever after, for promises and hopes of a picture-perfect tomorrow.

Then life happened. Reality happened. And those hopes and dreams lay forgotten and destroyed. I started living for the past - basing my current actions and choices on what I've learned from past mistakes, past disappointments.

That changed sometime early this year. And I made a promise to myself to stop living for the past or future, neither of which I can control. I woke up one day, and decided to start living - not pesudo-living in a bubble of idealism, not merely surviving on cynicism and apathy - but living... in the present.

One of the songs that really spoke to me during this period of 'awakening' was Burn Out Bright by Switchfoot (lyrics below). Among the many things I decided to start fresh was blogging. I had at least ten different blogs in the past 5 years. But I was tired of blogging just as a place to 'vent'. I was tired of blogging just so people would read it. I wanted my blog to be more than a punching-bag, more than an outlet, more than a popularity contest. I wanted it to be a testimony of how I've changed and grown. A chronicle of the mistakes I make and the lessons learned. I wanted writing in it to change me, in the process. I closed down / abandoned all my other blogs to focus on this one. And so 'Burn Out Bright' was born.

If we only got one try
If we only got one life
If time was never on our side
Before I die I want to burn out bright

So a spark ignites
In time and space
To make it through this human race
You fight and crawl your way back home
But you’re running the wrong way

The future is a question mark
With kerosene electric sparks
There’s still fire in you yet
Yeah there’s still fire in you
-Burn Out Bright, Switchfoot 

Manifesto

1.
i don't want a safe, mediocre life.
i don't want what's normal. what's average.
i want to feel. i want to breathe. i want to live.
i want the rain to fall on my soul.
i want to let the tears fall freely.

i don't want to be numb.
i don't want to be practical.
i want to be irrational. reckless. daring. wild.
childlike. curious. hopeful. excited.

i want to be unapologetic. instead of always being diplomatic.
i want to strike out and forge my own trails. instead of following the signs.

i want to be scared by life - it's wild, raging beauty and fierceness. i want to feel life -the beauty, the ugliness, the joy, the pain, the bitter, the sweet - surge through my veins and pulse with every heartbeat so that i know i am alive.

i want to taste it. i want to hear my heart pounding in my ears. i want to feel my blood rushing through my body. i don't want to be an empty soul trapped in a cage of flesh and bones.

i want to live.

2.
I am not here on earth to pass time or to push up daisies. When I am gone, it is not the end.

My time here on this imperfect earth is a reminder - of who I am, what I was created for, and what is awaiting me;

it is a celebration - of the little glimpses of perfection I get to catch, and of the absolute perfection I have yet to encounter;

it is an opportunity - to live to the fullest, to learn what things are temporary and what are lasting, to be able to pursue, capture, and hold on to those things in spite of imperfection around me.

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” -Jack London, American Author


Contact me

E-mail me at crystalcha28@gmail.com.